The luge. A sport of speed. A sport of posture. A sport of careful planning. A sport, where things could go horribly wrong. A sport where you’re constantly knocking on the gates of the Waltz Hereafter.
L.L. van der Merwe is a luge glider from Lichtenburg. Not Lichtenburg, Germany, as you may have thought. No, Lichtenburg, South Africa.
You may wonder where L.L. practices his gliding in Lichtenburg. Obviously, there is no track. Winter doesn’t get cold enough. It’s understandable that the South African government doesn’t budget for this kind of winter sport.
Well, “the van der Merwes” have a second home in Cape Town. In a beautiful neighbourhood called Tamboerskloof. Near trendy Kloof Street where hipsters dominate the environment with their top-knots, man-buns and Vespas.
Not too far from Kloof Street you will find Signal Hill. On top of Signal Hill is a big cannon. A little down the road L.L.’s luge track starts. He glides down Signal Hill Street and turns into Kloof Nek Street. Indeed, it forms an outstanding track for practicing one’s glidework. Similar to the luge, he lies flat on his back. However, he doesn’t use a rig with blades, but rather a longboard with wheels. He waits until the cannon fires at midday. Then he glides:
As he glides down Signal Hill Street he quickly picks up speed. In the distance, to his bottom left, he sees the German International School of Cape Town, “Goodness, what do they do there?” he thinks to himself. The rest of his perspective is decorated with Table Mountain in the middle, and Devil’s Peak next to it. When L.L. glides past the starting point of the Lion’s Head Walking Trail, he is already gliding at 80km per hour. He’s moving.
Next, a big challenge presents itself. He prepares for a sharp hairpin turn rapidly approaching. Four roads come together: Signal Hill Street, Kloof Road, Camps Bay Street, as well as Kloof Nek Street. As already mentioned L.L. is interested in Kloof Nek Street. His aim is to manage his speed, slow down a bit, and to glide out of Signal Hill Street into Kloof Nek Street. It’s a high-risk manoeuvre befitting a daredevil. Things must fall in place. Some of the variables he anticipates are: speed, traffic, pedestrians, wind speed, wind direction, humidity, rainfall, as well as atmospheric pressure.
As soon as L.L’s made the turn successfully he breathes a sigh of relief. At this point his muscles start to argue with him. To maintain a strong, firm, purposeful posture from top to bottom leads to spasms and cramps. It’s here where only focus and perseverance can carry him. L.L. struggles through the pain and glides forth, down Kloof Nek Street.
A last couple of hairpin turns to negotiate and then the home stretch. Just before he enters the home stretch the traffic camera snaps a picture. He tries to smile but it’s impossible at such a high speed. By now, he’s gliding at more than 120km per hour. To his left is the Jan van Riebeeck Sports Grounds, “Goodness, what do they do there?” he wonders. To his right is the Sugar and Spice Nursery. His mom often leaves his little brother there when she wants to binge on Netflix. Like a missile, L.L. dissects the two with surgical precision.
Before he knows it, the finishing line is upon him. At Eaton Street he pulls up the handbrake. Casually he glides past Patheodent, and at The Power and The Glory, he comes to a halt.
His performance is over. L.L. sits up. After about a minute, he gets up. Usually, he buys a Naartjie Powerade at Checkers. Then he walks home.